Battles with candida, chronic fatigue, low thyroid etc using alternative methods

15 June 2010

These last few days on the candida diet, I’ve been feeling pretty good.
Mentally clear and capable, which is a great feeling.
I can plan, strategise, make things happen…as opposed to just reacting and being stuck on the Great Hamster Wheel of life with young children.

BUT – yesterday afternoon for a treat (I deserve one, don’t I, after all this deprivation?) I had a cup of herbal tea with almond milk, sweetened with xylitol.
(It tasted a bit funny, without the kick of caffeine. Perhaps I should have tried a green jasmine tea that way?)

The point is that I had felt great until after that tea, at which point I began feeling a bit spacey, useless and less tolerant. Not a hugely bad reaction, but enough to blunt the “hey, I’m feeling really great!” sense that I’ve been getting as the candida recedes.

Has anyone else had a reaction to xylitol, even a slight one?
All the literature I can find on xylitol mentions no negative side effects, no matter how hard people try. Except, of course, for it causing liver damage in dogs. (Hope it’s okay for the chickens – they are the recipients of our leftover baked goods!).

I wonder if traditionally, xylitol was made from birch bark; and now it is extracted from corn husks. In China. At least the kind that I am able to source here.
I have ordered some made from birch bark, but shipping to New Zealand was even more than the 3 jars of it cost! So I am waiting for a dear friend to bring it over for me in a few weeks. Will let you know whether that has a different effect.

I’m not saying to stay away from xylitol, necessarily. It seems like something one can use as a coping tool during the very difficult to stick to Candida Diet. But firstly, I feel as though if anyone is going ot have a a reaction, it’s me; and secondly, that I need to learn not to abuse those things that are “allowable”.

Just an aside: through all these health challenges, I feel as though my body is trying to teach me to wean myself off of food as a crutch.
Each time a new allergy pops up, I inevitably find something to use as a crutch, a treat, a “this tastes good AND I’m allowed it”. Which – if I were mature and learning my lessons, I would use in moderation…but somehow it never stays that way!!
For instance, on Monday, I had 3 cups of dandelion tea with almond milk and xylitol. One would have been fine, but no, I had to go for 3!! Simple logic would tell me not to get a whole morning’s nutrition from one source.
The whole lack of moderation thing reminds me of this quote:

“Only after the last tree has been cut down.

Only after the last river has been poisoned.

Only after the last fish has been caught.

Only then will you find that money cannot be eaten.”

- Cree Indian Prophecy

Why can’t I just embrace the lessons that are being put in front of me?
Will I ever choose healthy food because I want it, rather than that I have to choose it? If these allergies went away tomorrow, would I still eat mostly vegetables because they are better for me? Or would I go back to pastries and pizza and coffee? I think I
know the answer… (sigh)

What’s your view?

Continuing on yesterday’s theme of addictions, I have to confess to a coffee vice.

I’m know I’m not unique: heaps of people are addicted to the stuff.

On the Blood Type forums, heaps of Os are saying they find it the hardest thing to give up. The most memorable one that had me in stitches said that “hot green water just doesn’t cut it”.

Even my naturopath says she has one cup a day, but limits it to that. And definitely Fair Trade and organic.

For weeks, even months, I gave up coffee.

Now that I’m feeling stronger (week 4 of the Candida Diet), I’ll have the occasional one.

And it TASTES so good!!  Moving forward, ideally I’ll just have one every now and then, when the benefits of resisting don’t seem worth it.

But then we hit this addictive cycle again where I want more than one. Where it becomes my crutch.

It’s like this: I had one this morning. It was okay, but in retrospect, not entirely necessary.   But now, I find myself dreaming of double espressos.

This push/pull of longing and fighting. Is it worth it?

What if I definitively knew it was so bad for that I had to give it up?

That would most certainly allow me to step outside the battle zone.

For instance, people often say to me “How do you stay so slim after 3 kids?”

Well, the answer is easy: No wheat, sugar or dairy.

But no one wants to hear that!  “Oh, I couldn’t do that!” they say.

But you can. And once you fight the battle and have figured out what you can eat and what you can’t – it’s easy. It’s fine.  The lovely pastries at the French Bakery don’t tempt me anymore; pizza has relinquished its siren call.

Because I know that if I indulge, I will lose a day or more of happiness with my children, of contentment, and possibly break down my health and either get a cold or worse.   Not worth it. Nope, not going there.

If I had such drastic effects from coffee, I suppose I could give it up too. But since one seems just fine as it is, it keeps me in its grip…

Day 1: Blurgh. I had cramps in the night, and snuggling up to my husband helped. This morning I feel horrid, not in pain anymore, though. It reminds me that the first day of my period is always horrible, despite the fact that pain relief took the pain away. I’m best not to attempt to do too much on days like today!

I sweated heaps, and smelt like a disgusting pig this morning. Do you get rid of toxins when you get your period via sweat?

I don’t recall ever doing that before; but I haven’t sweated in years. It seems to be one of the side effects of low thyroid and/or mercury intoxication.
I’m undergoing detox – have done 5 courses of intravenous DMPS, but going slowly as it seems to be quite hard on my liver. So maybe the increased ability to sweat is a good sign…

12 June, 2010
About periods:
My period feels like it’s pending. Dull ache in my back, craving for chocolate.
It will be interesting to see how this month’s pain is: last month was the first time that I ever went without Naprogesic, or any other NSAID (non-steroidal aint-inflammatory drug). I had just read before my period was due that leaky gut syndrome can be caused or made worse by the use of NSAIDs. It was never spelled out for me as a consumer, not a word of caution; although I’ve had gastro problems all my life.  Yet the medicines are freely available.

I’d put up with pain once a month if it meant getting rid of my allergies; and would have done so if I’d known there was a possibility of avoiding them, or of passing on my health issues on to my children.
The only place I’ve heard advice regarding avoiding them is in the book “Skinny Bitch”, written about the healthy dieting advice given to models, but it doesn’t explain that it can cause or aggravate gastro problems.

Anyway, my doctor prescribed 3 x CalMag pills (calcium & magnesium) during the normal month, and doubled the dose during my period. In addition, this month I have been squeaky clean as opposed to the previous one.
Is it too much to hope to get away without horrific cramps this time? I send my prayers to the moon god or goddess. Stay tuned. What are your experiences with menstrual cramps, NSAIDs and alternative methods of pain control?

Today I was re-visiting my feelings of uselessness from yesterday, the panic. The edge of depression. Previous experiences with depression have shown me that I need to acknowledge the dark side of what I’m battling, rather than hiding it, battening down the hatches and soldiering on.

Just to diverge for a moment: I last faced depression when my husband and I were trying desperately to conceive. We’d been married for a year and a half and originally thought that children were still a few years away; however an accidental honeymoon pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage sort of made us wonder “Can we do it? What if we can’t?”. And the wondering grew into panic as the months went by. 18 months after our wedding, we went to see a fertility specialist. He was very cold and clinical, and offered no kind ear or support for the emotional side. I guess he’d had too many frantic women wanting reassurance from him, and he was a doctor who specialized in IVF, not hand-holding. Well, a little hand-holding (or encouraging my husband to do hand-holding) would have been helpful…but it was not to be. Unsupported and scared, I got depressed. Unable to work or think effectively, sleeping an awful lot, not really interested in food.
To cut a long story short, the moment I embraced the dark side, the possibility that we may actually not be able to have children and the grief that went with it; I felt whole again. Bruised and battered, but whole. And so I went on a girl’s trip overseas to enjoy doing the things that I couldn’t do as a mother: shop, see New York’s museums, have cosmopolitans at the Stamford Plaza (they didn’t taste right)…and do you know, without my knowledge I had a fertilized egg with me?! 9 months later we had a beautiful baby girl.

So now I’m trying to figure out what’s nagging at me. It may just be the health issues that I’m battling, causing a vague depression. Or it may be that I just don’t feel good enough. I won’t put that in quotes because it seems to make light of it.

The truth is that I’m a terribly house-keeper. I always had a messy room as a child, and still am not brilliant at it. I am in awe how other people can come in, and in the twinkling of an eye, transform the kitchen into something tidy.
I try all the time, but also I beat myself up for it.
It’s not good, being confronted with your weaknesses all day, every day.
Sometimes I just want to retreat to my office to do some work, to feel that I AM capable in some areas, to get a sense of self-worth from something other than my ability to do housework.

At any rate, then I remembered hearing about a mother of four who committed suicide recently, leaving her children. We had all talked about how sad it was that she felt they were better off without her, that she couldn’t see how much she was needed simply by being a mother. Love: it’s all about love, at the end of the day.

Well, that snapped me out of it. Even if I am utterly useless, I’m still a mother and a wife; and loving my family and accepting their love is surely far more important than anything else I can contribute. For a while, this perspective has allowed me to be easier on myself.

It seems that women are very much driven by unrealistic ideals of perfectionism…what are your thoughts?

This afternoon, after being at home all day with my very demanding 3 year old, watching the mess build and feeling unable to tackle it productively… I feel like I’m losing my grip on reality. Don’t know where to put myself.  Is this an anxiety attack?

To the casual observer, I appear as a stylish woman, possibly over-dressed for a country town (but hey, that’s me); going about my errands, chatting with people I run into….but inside I’m just not quite functioning at 100%. My brain seems to be skipping beats; working but not making all the connections.

I can’t think of anything to put it down to.

I guess anxiety attacks are sort of part of this group of symptoms I keep reading about; but that doesn’t mean I like or know what to do about it.   So I will keep focused on finding solutions: ways to prevent them happening, and ways to cope when they do.

Things that seem to have helped:

-        Diet (of course: but I am so knew to it that I literally don’t know what affects me how. For instance, people say that xylitol is safe. However, I had  a hot chocolate again this morning: organic cocoa powder, stevia, xylitol, coconut milk/cream, and oat milk and hot water. That should all be fine, except maybe the oat milk; and it tastes like heaven in a cup. But…what if ithat’s contributing to the anxiety? If so, it’s not worth it.)

-        Rescue Remedy (Health 2000 does their own for about $13; as opposed to $22.50 for the Bach branded stuff at some pharmacies)

-        Make your own flower remedies: I  did my own based on the different flower attributes described by the Back flower remedy info.  The ones I chose were
Elm – for feeling overwhelmed by responsibility
Vine – dominance and inflexibility
Scleranthus – inability to choose between alternatives
Crab Apple – the cleansing remedy, also for self-hatred
Impatiens – Impatience
Beech – intolerance
I’ve made it up and have been using the spray for some time now, when I remember.  Don’t notice it as much as Rescue Remedy; but then again I do feel like I’m improving: on good days I feel amazing and capable and on bad days I feel utterly useless.    But truly I do feel less overwhelmed, more capable of paring things back and tackling one thing at a time. Maybe that’s a start on peeling back the anxiety.

Things I’m just wondering if they make it worse:

- Wait – sometimes, eating beef seems to cause my brain to “skip beats”. I’ve

avoided it for ages, but as the candida diet encourages meat, as does the Blood Type Diet, I put it into our Rotational Diet again.  Maybe I should keep a food diary.

Today, feeling emboldened by a good blog I read, I made salmon, brown rice, spring onions and avocado for breakfast.

It felt good and right.

For some time, eating a high-carb breakfast hasn’t felt right for me. I’ve felt tired and gluggy, and gained weight around my waist easily when I eat bread. Note that this is wheat-free bread!   I’ve been eating Vogel’s Rice & Rye bread (just a New Zealand brand, I think).

I also made a smoothie containing almond milk, a cup of blueberries, a few frozen cranberries, a spoon of almond butter and a few drops of stevia.  I also added some iodine (for thyroid), some rice protein powder, selenium drops and a half teaspoon of vitamin C powder.  I could also have added LSA.

It was good, and I’m stoked to have found another breakfast option!

Another breakfast option I tried the other day was pancakes:

3 tablespoons of cooked amaranth, 1 cup of almond flour (ground almonds), ½ cup (approx) of self-rising gluten free flour (I use Casalare), 2 eggs, rice milk, xylitol, rice bran oil, and a pinch of salt.

I made them for my children (who also have wheat, dairy and sugar intolerances); but I was wary of eating too many of them because of the low-carb / anti-Candida diet.  I had two, though, unsweetened…delicious and without visible side effects.